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HOME IS A PLACE TO KEEP YOUR SHIT
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[14 Nov 2006|05:11pm] |
sooooooooo here i am writing in my livejournal...how weird that life has changed so much. ive grown up and its basically pretty scary. i can remember sitting in my room at my old house writing in my livejournal usually high as a kite..and those days were fun but im glad theyre over. i used to be so bad, and its really time to grow up and get over it.
me and my bf jeremy are doing great. i seriously love him to death hes the most caring, understanding, considerate, sweet guy ive ever met. we get along so well and our communication is almost too good to be true. im so glad i found someone like him and am now in a healthy respectful relationship instead of an abusive and destructive one whcih i used to be. things change and life goes on and its hard to deal with but i think its for the best,.
anyway i feel pretty bad cuz ive been tweakin again and it feels like i just never stopped. im so used to it, it was my life for so long and its just how i would cope. makes me less worried about shit and just content. actually im pretty sure it just makes me numb. anyway i want to stop and i will, especially because i cant be bringing people around me into it. thats not fair and its not nice. i think i actually am ready to let go of the dope cuz now that ive gone back to it i just see how pointless it is. its a viscious cycle and im ready to get out for good...i think. it just sucks cuz sometimes it can be so fun. i really am confused and hope it gets better.
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[19 Jun 2006|01:36am] |
sooooo hi. its basically like years later, and i'm using this again. it reminds me of when i was such a pup. i used to live on fucking lj.
dude...it seems like things change like A LOT. but then some things NEVER change. or like...feelings, never go away. its so weird!! god, life. if it got any stranger, i'd have to like...do something about it.
anyway, im so sorry about what happened, friend. that is so horrible. my heart is with you.
its summer, thank god. i start work on tuesday. i went to disneyland today. its hot in here and i dont feel well, i have a headache. on friday i went and hung out with brandon. we faught for most of the time, what a surprise. we will never NOT fight. never ever. but we did have some good moments and i spent the night and it was okay. i paid 10 bucks for drugs, and our other friend put in 10 bucks. yeah basically it was only six fucking hits. i was so goddamn pissed. i really dont ever want to do it anymore. even tho i barely ever do it, i dont want to do it at all, that'll never happen
i didnt brush my teeth, fuck. i love my laptop, its so much easier than staying up all late sitting at a desk. having my mom come in at like 3 am going "DANIELLE GO TO BED GET OFF THE COMPUTER!" hahaha omg
i love my old life
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(2 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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[17 Jul 2005|10:30pm] |
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yea im prolyl not gonan write much in here anymore. still kinda freaked out about what i found out last night. heh, what a waste of time eh? people are such sketchy FUCKS. and it's sad, really it is. but it's also pretty damn funny.
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(2 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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[16 Jul 2005|12:00pm] |
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it figures that when i actually like a guy and get excited about it, he doesnt call me and shit. fucking gay
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[14 Jul 2005|12:57pm] |
i dont like guys dude. theyre fuckin weird. im over them. all i wanna do is just work and then go to fuckin school and forget everyone. except april and carolyn. and my mom and dog.
i can't wait to go to mexico dude. 9 more days. i'm so excited, it's gonna be so much fucking fun!! us 3 are gonna be crazy, i hope we don't get into trouble lol. i know we'll be drunk as fuck though, that's for sure. hopefully we can sneak some shrrrrrrooommms over there. that'd be tight. chillin on the beach shroomin out. i dont' care what anyone says, shrooms are the best drug ever. just once in awhile though. it's almost kinda scary lol.
anyway, i feel sorta like lonely. now that i don't have a boyfriend around me 24/7 i have to find ways to occupy myself. it feels crazy.
life is just so silly
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(5 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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[07 Jul 2005|03:05pm] |
i wish i was fuckin like 15 again. that was an exciting time in my life. really it was.
work is fucking boring. god damn only fat asses exist here. and this very hot boy, whos 24 and wont leave me alone. i dunno what to do...
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(1 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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[07 Jul 2005|11:43am] |
things have been okay. yesterday was rad. i went and got ozzfest tickets. i didnt think i'd end up going but fuck dude, its a good lineup and its fucking ozzy. and i fucking think slipknot is gonan be there, i cant really figure it out but if they are i'll cum. seriously i fucking love that band. its gonna be so fucking tight. in flames. im so happy. i definitely will cum when i see in flames. its gonna be so hot dude though aug 20 at glen helen pavillion. i saw korn there. it was a rad place, i remember making out with this hot guy the whole time lol. anyway thats irrelevant. so im fuckign excited, can u tell?
ahhh and i also bought two pedro the lion cds yesterday. i seriously almost fucking forgot how amazing ' almost there' and 'bad diary days' are. god i listened to them over and over and over on the way home. it was so rad and its such nice music. so is the singer a heroin addict?
ahhh okay and yea this is late but i finally lit my own illegal fireworks haha. brandon knows how to make the LOUDEST bomb ive ever ever ever heard with piccolo peats. i swear i had a heart attack when he lit it RIGHT BY ME. fourth of july was tight. im making friends with this chick kristi, brandons best friends' gf, and shes tight dude haha at my bday party we both got so drunk and were karaoking . it was great. anyway.
its so hard to update at work i have to keep minimizing the fuckin screen and forgetting what im saying.
so i dunno, i dont think chris REALLLLY cares that much..........
i wanna fuckin be at ucla already. im so fucking anxious. anyway i better just shut up noww cuz i dont even remember half the shit i said.
im gonna miss everyone in la mirada. heh i guess i do love a shit load of homies aroudn here. haha i said homies.
FUCKING MEXICO BABY 2 WEEKS!!! i fucking cant wait
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(2 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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[24 Jun 2005|05:28pm] |
im fucking graduated. thank jesus. but i didnt get my fucking diploma yet. they told me after the whole ceremony that i supposedly have a fuckign senior obligation. i dunno wtf theyre talking about. stupid bitches.
tomorrow im having a party and geting fucking wasted.
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[21 Jun 2005|05:55pm] |
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for anybody who cares, my new email that ill use is dlscott1@ucla.edu after i move so add it now if u plan on emailing me
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[20 Jun 2005|10:05am] |
jose cuervo you are a friend of mine! lol omg i did NOT know there was so much tequila in my pantry. my mom pulled it out last night to make margaritas and i was like holy shit whered that come from! shes pimp dude! good times. i love my mom.
my eyes have seen the glory of the tramplin at the zoo!
we washed ourselves in niggers' blood, and all the mongrols too!
we're takin down the zog machine, jew by jew by jew!
the white man marches on!
edward norton is hottest man alive. mmmmm do me. i cant decide if i like him better in fight club or american history x. shit wtf am i saying, fight club all the way, fuck!
ahh man gotta go to work, and i dont wanna finish getting ready. i need to chop my hair off, its too long and too hard to do. wahhhhh.
so i guess im not chris' friend anymore. lol he changes a lot. i think he thought i was being mean or something a lot lately, but i'm still being nice ? so i dunno, hopefully all's well. i'm here for you nigger.
my birfday soon ! WOOO HOOOO. fuck yes.
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(2 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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| sit and drink pennyroyal tea |
[19 Jun 2005|02:37pm] |
ah i love getting paid for being on the internet and listening to music. sundays are the best days to work. anyway, i'm loving being out of school. fuck high school. some cool people but some really fucking gay ones too, and it's rad that i won't have homework for a few months. goodbye people that i'll never see again, can't say that i'll miss you much! but some of you i will...
i can't wait till tomorrow to get 2000$ handed to me. easy ass scholarship money. but i'll get to just put it in the bank, at least i'm pretty sure. i'll let it sit there and accrue a few dollars interest lol.
fuck i need more money saved for mexico but its hard to save when u got shit to pay for. i hope i get a good amount of money at my grad/bday party. even like 100 would help a lot. i wish i had more people to invite. but i dont have very much family or very many friends. plus my mom doesnt have a lot of money to throw a real big party. oh well, as long as i get shit faced and everyone has a good time, i'll be glad.
too bad i cant even call my dad on fathers day. i prolly shouldve sent him a card but oh well. i sent him a really fuckign nice letter, totally from the heart, a few weeks ago. i havent heard a response cuz he doesnt even have enough money for stamps. but hopefully i'll get a letter soon. and i hope hes good and doesnt fuck up again. sadly enough, i know he will. he even said himself hes close to giving up. but if he does, he'll just be homeless again. i can't believe he lived on the streets for a month. i feel bad. hes such a rad guy and has so much good stuff inside him. oh well, shit happens i guess. i feel like i got fucking robbed for a dad. and a childhood nonetheless.
i really fucking love nirvana. no matter what mood im in, if i put in the unplugged cd, i feel good. such unique music.
fuck im gonna sleep and eat so much now!!!!! shiitttt hell yeah!
i see a lot up there, but don't be scared. who needs action when you got words?
hey chris, whats up dude we're not friends anymore? haha fuck, you change quickly motherfucker!
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[17 Jun 2005|02:05am] |
It must be your skin that I'm sinking in
It must be for real cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind, it's not my kind
It's not my time to wonder why
Everything gone white, everything's grey
Now you're here, now you're away
I don't want this, remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine, Glycerine
I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time
Are you at one or do you lie
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields
I treated you bad, you bruised my face
Couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine, Glycerine
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine, Glycerine
Glycerine, Glycerine
Bad moon white again
Bad moon white again
As she falls around me
I needed you more when we wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear simple and plain
Well that's just fine, that's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
It could've been easier on you, you, you
Glycerine, Glycerine
Glycerine, Glycerine
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[17 Jun 2005|01:40am] |
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we had a life.
we had a love.
but you don't know what you've got til you lose it.
well that was then, and this is now.
and i want you back.
how many times can i say im sorry? oh yes, i'm sorry.
how could something so good go so bad?
how could something so right go so wrong?
i dont know, i dont have all the answers
but i want you back.
how many times can i say im sorry?
oh yes, im sorry
you can run, and you can hide
but im not leavin unless you come with me.
we've had our problems
but im on your side.
youre all i need. please believe in me
i'm not leavin unless you come with me
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[13 Jun 2005|03:05am] |
dear my dear christoph (which thank you very much i created)...
I can't remember the time or place
Or what you were wearing
It's unclear about how we met
All I know, it was the best conversation that I've ever had
'Til this day I've never found someone
With eyes as wide as yours
I've been searching up and down this coast
Overlooking what I need the most
Did you notice I was afraid?
I thought I'd run out of things to say
Two more hours until today burns this away
And it starts all over again
The sky will never look the same again
'Til you show me how it could be
The sky will never look the same again
'Til you show me how it could be
And everything else is irrelevant
To the story so far
A coincidence that you look like her from afar
Is it true that you like to sleep alone?
Or is it what you just tell everyone?
Did you notice I was afraid?
I thought I'd run out of things to say
Two more hours until today burns this away
And it starts all over again
The sky will never look the same again
'Til you show me how it could be
The sky will never look the same again
'Til you show me how it could be
Until you show me how it could be
Until you show me how it could be
And when the world turns over
I'll keep my ears to the wall
And when the world turns over
I'll keep my feet straight on the ground
Did you notice I was afraid?
I thought I'd run out of things to say
Two more hours until today burns this away
And it starts all over again
The sky will never look the same again
'Til you show me how it could be
The sky will never look the same again
'Til you show me how it could be
Until you show me how it could be
Until you show me how it could be
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(2 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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| good day |
[12 Jun 2005|10:26pm] |
ahh i feel so good right now. working out makes your body feel amazing afterward, like all the toxins left your muscles and just floated away into space. so up until recently i never walked my dog. then i realized that she needs exercise, so ive been walking her to the park and its been fun. she chases the geese haha. and watches me swing on the swings. i like exercise a lot. and eating right and taking vitamins really does make you feel better. i realized i can't live without bottled water.
anyhooo, last night was fun. april had a grad party at her house so i went on over there. of course, cuz shes my bestest friend everrrr. first thing her dad said was 'want a beer or margarita?' i was like sweet a margarita machine. i really did hit that shit up, i think i had at least 10. theyre addicting and had a shit load of tequila in them. mmmmm. haha there was a lady singing in spanish and playing guitar there. i was like april, youre fuckin mexican. but i love it. me brandon and her bf were the only friends that showed up. she was like all drunk like 'youre the only person that cares about me' then she was like about to cry shes like 'im so fucking proud that youre going to ucla, i saw how hard you worked the past 4 years' haha i was like APRIL MAN STOPPPPP. hahah. her dad made us all watch the movie underworld, which is some stupid vampire vs. werewolf movie and april and i couldnt stop laughing. everytime someone talked we're like ha hahahahah. her dad was like stfu!
haha it was a great night and i took a bunch of pix.
anyhoo so i got up this mornign like 11:30, went with my mom to go check out my brother's new house in huntington beach, which is fucking nice and huge. im jealous. but ill be over there a lot this summer since its two blocks from the BITCH. aka beach. thennn we went to costco cuz my mom had to order her contacts and all these guys were looking at me and i was like EW STOP! and flipped them off. haha my moms like dont do that they might try to do something. im like mom, no thats fucking gross i cant stand it. thennn, oh yeah, the whole time i was thinking bout christoph. and witnessed his fucking gorgeousness in an email. goddd i cant take it. hes too great. haha ive noticed that since ive been talking to him more lately ive been so much happier! like theres an extry spark in my eye.
anyhoo, 4 more days of school left, fuuuck yes! i dont graduate till the 22nd though. then im having a grad/bday party on the 25th and i will be fucking wasted. and carolyn will be back from oregon so she can come !! WOO HOO i fucking miss my carolina. okay im spentttt...
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[11 Jun 2005|12:37pm] |
i love how when youre nice to people, you get treated like shit. im not the fuckign enemy, god damn. what did i ever do to you that was so terribly wrong? really, think about it.
well its getting colder, and youre getting distant. and i just keep thinking, that i never meant it to be like this.
godddddd...lonely. is a weird place to be. yea, thats what i am. im not sad, im not depressed. im just lonely. in need of a genuine, loving friendship, or something. somebody out there has gotta care about and appreciate me, right?
regardless, if my pictures. they dont line your mirror. regardless, you know that ill still wait for your call.
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(as i spilled my guts)
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[11 Jun 2005|12:33pm] |
yeah tell all your friends is probably somethign i couldnt live without. dammn i work a lot. here i am again, at work. at least im makign money, honey. easy money too. i get paid better than a lot of people i know. and i do very little labor. i use my brain. but fuck, im good at that.
had a scholarship interview this morning. pretty sure i got it. people loved me.
and hey, you know what, fuck you.
and yea chris dont worry ill fuckin leave you alone.
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(2 loved me for me ♥ as i spilled my guts)
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